I loved this so much. I believe each generation is meant to unlock something new for the next. I’ve forged my own path, but still have so much of my mother ingrained in me, both the good and the not so good. I inherited her talent to create magic around the holidays, to make others feel welcome, to make any space feel like home, to love unconditionally. I also still carry remnants of her victim mentality and judgement. I’m working on those, but know that in many ways, I experience more freedom in my day to day life than she did. A freedom that she doesn’t quite understand and may even harbor some resentment toward.
Now a mother myself to a sassy, strong-willed, wildly creative 6 year-old daughter, I know that she may some day cross lines I’ve never dared to cross, and create some discomfort for me as well. I think that’s what each generation does—-they push the limits, and hopefully soften some of our edges in the process.
Watching the next generation push boundaries we never dared to cross is both beautiful and uncomfortable. But I love the way you framed it , that maybe their courage softens our edges,their freedom shows us where we’re still holding on too tight - so much joy and transformation if we choose it instead of, as you said, resenting it.
Nice essay! I was thinking about this the other day how I am so defiant to be against tradition to be what a Vietnamese woman should be like: how they dress, act, do for others etc. I want to avoid at all costs conforming to that image mainly because I grew up seeing women having to sacrifices so much and get stepped on in our culture. It's a hard space to navigation but also interesting because it will be us who will define that path moving forward
Yeaaa we have associated certain cultural things with conforming even though that isn't true! We can adopt as much of culture as we want and still be headstrong in our will. I recently came to understand there was a lot I pushed away, like learning how to cook certain things, just because in my head it meant I was closer to living life a certain way but it's not true at all.
Totally, for me living away from my family and navigate this journey independent of what they tell me to has been helpful. I actually love learning how to cool and take care of others but just on my own terms :)
completely understand that feeling and you wrote it so beautifully! It’s like you become your own warped sense of them despite promising to never go through what they went through. Great piece! Xx
There are no expectations for me, no traditions or family values and sometimes that's also a little overwhelming. Often I was lost in my freedom, especially careerwise. I could never really figure out what I want to do, because the options are too many.
I never learned to be disciplined, so I always started things and then gave up on them. Only now I'm slowly building up my discipline and thinking about what's important to me.
So my mental weight comes from my past, which just passed with me being lost and never taking action.
it's interesting how too much structure and a lack of it have a similar impact on us - feeling powerless and lost.
I believe it also creates space for us to define our own path if we try! It’s okay if things haven’t always been clear, our journey is unfolding, and every bit of it is contributing to the person we're trying to be.
That’s such a beautiful perspective, the idea of being able to take up space without fear feels incredibly liberating, especially knowing the struggles our ancestors faced. I truly believe that they would be proud of how far we’ve come too, carrying their strength with us while creating new paths for ourselves.
for me, I still have the fear of consequences but it's something I am working on overcoming :)
I loved this so much. I believe each generation is meant to unlock something new for the next. I’ve forged my own path, but still have so much of my mother ingrained in me, both the good and the not so good. I inherited her talent to create magic around the holidays, to make others feel welcome, to make any space feel like home, to love unconditionally. I also still carry remnants of her victim mentality and judgement. I’m working on those, but know that in many ways, I experience more freedom in my day to day life than she did. A freedom that she doesn’t quite understand and may even harbor some resentment toward.
Now a mother myself to a sassy, strong-willed, wildly creative 6 year-old daughter, I know that she may some day cross lines I’ve never dared to cross, and create some discomfort for me as well. I think that’s what each generation does—-they push the limits, and hopefully soften some of our edges in the process.
Watching the next generation push boundaries we never dared to cross is both beautiful and uncomfortable. But I love the way you framed it , that maybe their courage softens our edges,their freedom shows us where we’re still holding on too tight - so much joy and transformation if we choose it instead of, as you said, resenting it.
Thank you for your thoughts Stephanie
Nice essay! I was thinking about this the other day how I am so defiant to be against tradition to be what a Vietnamese woman should be like: how they dress, act, do for others etc. I want to avoid at all costs conforming to that image mainly because I grew up seeing women having to sacrifices so much and get stepped on in our culture. It's a hard space to navigation but also interesting because it will be us who will define that path moving forward
Thank you!
Yeaaa we have associated certain cultural things with conforming even though that isn't true! We can adopt as much of culture as we want and still be headstrong in our will. I recently came to understand there was a lot I pushed away, like learning how to cook certain things, just because in my head it meant I was closer to living life a certain way but it's not true at all.
Totally, for me living away from my family and navigate this journey independent of what they tell me to has been helpful. I actually love learning how to cool and take care of others but just on my own terms :)
So happy you have the opportunity to experience independence this way and pave your own path!
completely understand that feeling and you wrote it so beautifully! It’s like you become your own warped sense of them despite promising to never go through what they went through. Great piece! Xx
❤️❤️ thank you
I really love your posts Aisha.
There are no expectations for me, no traditions or family values and sometimes that's also a little overwhelming. Often I was lost in my freedom, especially careerwise. I could never really figure out what I want to do, because the options are too many.
I never learned to be disciplined, so I always started things and then gave up on them. Only now I'm slowly building up my discipline and thinking about what's important to me.
So my mental weight comes from my past, which just passed with me being lost and never taking action.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
it's interesting how too much structure and a lack of it have a similar impact on us - feeling powerless and lost.
I believe it also creates space for us to define our own path if we try! It’s okay if things haven’t always been clear, our journey is unfolding, and every bit of it is contributing to the person we're trying to be.
That’s such a beautiful perspective, the idea of being able to take up space without fear feels incredibly liberating, especially knowing the struggles our ancestors faced. I truly believe that they would be proud of how far we’ve come too, carrying their strength with us while creating new paths for ourselves.
for me, I still have the fear of consequences but it's something I am working on overcoming :)